|Sexy Halloween banana? Really??|
Anyway. If you are not pleased with the selection of Halloween costumes out there, you think they are too expensive, or you just had no plans to go out until the very last minute, never fear! You can actually throw together a costume with minimal cost and no sewing.
Zombie: This is so easy. What I love about zombies is that they will never be a love interest, you cannot be a sexy zombie (unless you're being ironic) and if you don't feel like talking you can stay in character and just growl and moan. If you've had a few and can no longer walk properly people will also figure you're staying in character. Or that you're actually a zombie. Which would be pretty epic.
To be a zombie, put some white powder on your face, smear some ugly greenish or gray eyeshadow over it (lightly), go a little darker around the eyes, and maybe smear some red lipstick around your mouth. Wear some old clothes with holes in them.
Witch (the fabled scary one, not the actual Wiccans:. This is easy, too. Most witch costumes that are sold are for sexy witches. But all you really need is a long black dress and the pointy hat. Maybe a black wig if you want.
Energizer bunny: This was an awesome costume I threw together last minute years ago. I actually had adult-sized footy pajamas. I got bunny ears. I had a small drum. I was done. I was also really comfortable and thus in a great mood all night.
Cat or mouse: Matching shirt and pants. Cat or mouse ears. If you don't have the ears, get a fabric headband, cut out the shapes of the ears with construction paper, and staple them on. Draw on whiskers.
Vampire: buy the fangs, wear all black.
Stepford wife: Yes, I wore this. It is technically a sexy costume but I was so insufferable while I was wearing it that every dude in the party ducked under the nearest table. I wore a dress, kitchen gloves, and carried a duster. And I said, "I'll just die if I don't get this recipe" over and over and over again.
Pirate: A ruffled blouse, jeans and boots, and a bandana tied around your head should do the trick.
* I am not against sexy costumes per se--I've been Catwoman before, though she's kind of supposed to be sexy (as well as scary)--but I'm against the trend that makes it a thing for women while men don't seem to have this pressure. A man's lizard costume doesn't feature spandex shorts in a lizard print with boots and no shirt for men. It's a zip-up-cover-him-all-up-looks-like-a-lizard-job. The woman's? Not so much. If a man's doctor, lizard, and devil costume isn't going to showcase all of his skin, then the woman's shouldn't have to, either. And if women have the "option" of being sexy, we should have the option to not be. And men should get this same "option" to be sexy as well.