Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Captain Obvious tells you how to save money

Don't buy this.  You'll save $5M.
Not that anyone who reads this blog is in any danger of buying these things.  However, the infamous Olsen twins backpack (mentioned below) got me to wondering what else is ridiculously expensive out there.  So I Googled.  Now I need therapy.  Because, wow. 

Don't buy a $39,000 backpack.  At $39,000, it is not practical.  Even if it's in black and goes with everything you own.  It is not practical to pay $39,000 for a backpack unless it can open up a wormhole in the space-time continuum, allowing you to go back and invest in IBM and sell it at exactly the right time.  Then you could make your money back and then some.

Don't buy an $8,700,000 car.  That is just stupid. 

Men, don't buy diamond-studded Nikes.  They cost $218,000. Again, stupid.  And frankly, tacky.  Although they are probably more comfortable than these shoes for women for $86,700.  Stupid.  And by the looks of these, rather uncomfortable. 

Dolce & Gabanna put out sunglasses that retail for $383,609.  Do they look like $383,609 worth of cool?  I think they look like $383,609 worth of stupid.  As in, "no matter how much I paid for these things, I cannot quite justify the stupid in making this decision.  Hey, why do I have to declare bankruptcy?"  Maybe you don't want to buy those.  Especially if you tend to drop, scratch, break or lose your sunglasses like I do.  I think the $5 Walgreens special work just fine.  Unless they can see into the future, don't buy these. 

Paying $6,000 for a shower curtain is also a bit. . .foolish.  Even more foolish is buying something like that and then complaining about how broke you are. 

Perhaps don't pay $400 for a pair of socks.  They go on your feet, for God's sake.  You get foot sweat on them.  Go to Target.  Get your socks there.

While we're at it, let's not pay $400 for flip-flops.  They are flip-flops.  Enough said.

Paying about $5,000,000 for a gold toilet is also stupid.  Think about what you do with toilets.  It's a toilet. EW.  (Also, you should refrain from paying $30 a roll for toilet paper.  Again, think about what you do with it, it's toilet paper, ew, etc.)

You're welcome.

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